The Ballad of Maggie Parts I and II

The Ballad of Maggie

A Puzzling World Story

by Randomking

“Boom! Head shot!” It was Sunday, and Maggie was getting the last bit of relaxation out of the way before a rather grueling week of coursework would begin. She needed to blow off steam. Actually, she was really hyped up. It had been a while since she had engaged in some silly digital violence.

“Ah, come on!” her roommate complained. “I fucking had you that time!”

“Oh, bullshit! My sniper perch was perfect that time.”

“Alright. Maybe it was, but I think next time, I’ll not handicap myself with my lower arms.” Beth had been altered by something or another a year ago, and her legs had been replaced by a pair of arms. It was both a handicap and an asset.

“Maybe next weekend. I needed that, though.”

“Well, when you have to dump a boyfriend for cheating, it helps to kill things.” There was a pause for reflection. Then, “Are you dropping by the grocery story tonight? I could use a few things.”

“I wasn’t planning on it. I guess I could use the fresh air, though.” What was with her? Since she dumped her boyfriend on Friday, she had been really frisky. Maybe she just needed a new squeeze.

“Yeah, you were a bit more fierce than usual with the double katanas. A walk would do you some good.” They gathered some shopping bags and the pushcart and got to the door. Given her lack of legs, Beth had to piggyback on Maggie. Sure, she could use her wheelchair, but it was just easier to do this with friends. Beth had long thought that something about her own transformation had made her more affectionate. Something about hugging someone with all four of her arms made her feel really cozy and connected. Oddly enough, most people didn’t seem to mind after an embrace or two.

They clambered out of the apartment as they planned their week, Maggie getting a lot of exercise from the haul. And how. She walked like she was training for a speed walking competition, almost breaking into a jog. Beth had to complain a few times about the rough jostling to get her to slow down, but they got there without any spills.

The market itself was a nice mid-range place that advertised a lot of organic and natural foods but also had a good selection of inexpensive produce. They made good time, moving through the aisles efficiently, Beth hanging off of the side of the cart like a monkey to grab the various items. At the checkout line, Maggie found herself to be more flirtatious than usual, and she even gave the cashier her number. Beth didn’t think he was handsome or clever enough to warrant such attentions, but she conceded that Maggie’s behavior was normal for a recently singled girl.

Classes reconvened the next morning, and Maggie’s focus was really bipolar. In one moment, she was furiously jotting notes-- and notes about her notes. The next, she was looking over at some dude’s ass. This was the weirdest rebound, she thought. She hit the campus convenience store after her afternoon class and picked up a pack of condoms, since she realized that she needed to get a one-night stand out of her system.

Then, she saw a little island by the personal items. Oh dear, she thought. It was one of those Be Your Sexiest!® things. When all of the weirdness entered the world, corner stores, mall islands, and super markets would spontaneously gain a Be Your Sexiest!® rack of items. Somehow, the stores’ purchasing systems would have their bar coding and inventory management updated to account for the items, and shopkeepers would hypnotically sell the goods, even after they had been instructed to refuse

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