The Noble ( A sample )
Story by Natas Baker
My name is Felix (Despite the username) and today I decided to take the chance to write publicly. I have been told many times that I just plain shouldn't write by teachers and writers that I have particularly looked up to. It was not until recently did I start to feel that my writing skills had improved since the time that I was told about my writings. I would love to hear any constructive criticism to improve my writing skills. There are just a few warnings that I wish to tell everyone:
WARNINGS!
This was all written in a day. Normally I would keep my work on the back burner until I felt like it was presentable enough to show others. This normally would lead to my work never entering that presentable state because I would never really feel like it was good enough to show others. So I sat down and wrote a short story instead. :)
I am not a huge fan of my grammar since I have been bashed on this every time I write so please don’t count that too harshly against me. I blame the fact because I tend to write exactly the same way I speak. This tends to lead to improper grammar and incomplete sentences in my writing.
The grammar will, nine times out of ten will be on par with these warning messages. Taking this into account I will try my best to make sure my story is not riddled with errors.
I am my biggest critic, so I must say that I struggle with overusing the same descriptive words. Please take note of this when looking for errors in my writing since I want to watch out for this.
I am looking for feedback on the account that I am thinking heavily on making a game. I know python and can afford an artist, so who knows what may happen.
So I hope you enjoy this little tale. It is just an idea I had after a nice refreshing shower.
My sample writing...
Noble
The hot embers hit the darkened glass with a light pop before exploding in a final display of fiery orange sparks. It was another hellstorm had made it way pass the seventh circle and made it all the way to the fifth to the café that Red was dining in. A few demons still walked the street with the embers rolling off their skin like rain. Red paid the Hellstorm no mind, however as he waited for the waiter. Red was one of five other people who was in here, but was one of the only half-bloods in here however. It wasn’t until the demons had been asked if they needed anything else before Red had finally caught the waiter's attention. Red didn’t even give the waiter a sideways glance before the young demoness recognize him.
“M-Mister Blackwood! When did you get in here?! My boss told me that a Blackwood was supposed to be here, but I wasn’t expecting him to be a ---“
Now he couldn’t help but to look up at the women. He wanted to finally hear someone say it. Her skin tone gave way to her royalty nature with her deep rich indigo skin. She must be fairly new since Red has never seen her working here before. The most striking feature of her that Red couldn’t take his eyes off was her horns. They were artificially black with a reflective gleam on the surface. His eyes snapping back to meet hers. She appeared to have paused to give him an absent minded looked. It took him a couple of seconds to decipher what was wrong with the poor girl.
“To be a….?”
“Oh! A Jursa, sir. They are quite common on the surface. Anyways, what may I get you?"
“Just the normal. Tell Jake that Red is here and he will cook the food. Hey? Can you tell me more about this…. Jursa? This is my first time hearing of these Jursas.”
“Jursa? I don’t know much about them. They keep to themselves on the surface. Sorry! You should just go check it out yourself sometime.”
“Ah, that is too bad. Thank you anyway… I'll check it out sometime….”
Red smiled politely and returned the standard cross, heart salute that seemed more meaningless now than ever. The perky waitress was soon gone as her voice could be heard telling Jake about him. A few demons even looking around for the member of the Blackwood family. They soon gave up through as they dismissed the girl claims.
His order came shortly, but with it wasn’t the absent minded waitress this time, but instead the familiar gruff, jolly cook. Jake was a sight for sore eyes for Red. Red taking note that Jake seemed to get older every time he seen him. Jake now had streaks of silver flecking through his black hair. It wasn’t the man huge smile or the smell of fish that faintly stuck on to him. It was his skin. He had the same bland pale skin as he did. Red didn’t even give the old man time to speak before he stood up and hugged him tightly. The old man patting him hard on the back as he broke the hug.
“J! Please stay and chat! How are you doing?”
“I would love to talk, but later, after my sh
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