Rise of the Battlebitch (Futa, Comedy, Fantasy, Adventure)

Awaken the Fuckwraith

“The town of Kolly was in dire straights. It had been two days since the village elder’s daughter had been stolen, snatched away during the festivities of her eighteenth birthday. Men and women in dark robes had descended upon the city like a blight; sweeping through the town and going straight for the birthday girl. Drifting past guards, using magical smoke to cover their escape, it had never been revealed why they had taken her. Maybe they were taking her to another, better birthday party? Doubtful. And that was when the wise people of Kolly called for-”

“Don’t you ever shut up?”

“Quiet, Tess. That was when the wise people of Kolly called for...the Battlebitch!”

She unsheathed her sword and held it aloft to the sky; turning her face upwards towards the sun. Its radiant light beamed down upon her; shimmering down the length of her blade like drips from a flow of water, coming to swarm around her palm. Heroic. Bold. Majestic. When she realized they were still travelling and there wasn’t much reason to draw her blade to begin with, she quickly resheathed it and turned to her head to her companion.

“That’s me, Tess. I’m the Battlebitch.”

Tess simply sighed. It was true that the town of Kolly had lost the village elder’s daughter; just as it was true that the good people of Kolly were wise beyond the size of their small town. A tiny village that what it lacked in money made up for in rare knowledge of the magical arts. Led by the single bloodline of elders, the young woman that had been stolen wasn’t even the next in line to take over. She had two older sisters and a mother to assassinate before she could even think about such things; if she was even into it at all. It was also true that the people of Kolly had asked a pair of strangers in their town to look into the mystery, to head out and recover the stolen girl. One of them was a small woman; wrapped in a cloak and a hood, never revealing much about herself. At first glance members of the city mistook her for one of the robed raiders, but that misconception was quickly dispelled as reason overtook their frightful outrage. The robed woman said little; her face low to remain hidden, her body wrapped with various belts for dozens of tiny alchemist pouches. She had introduced herself as Tess, a travelling doctor, but when one of the villagers asked how he could stop his penis from being sore she had simply advised “Stop putting it inside of chickens, you inbred freak.”

Needless to say, Tess was not particularly popular. Her friend, on the other hand…

Raven black hair fell down past her shoulders, waving in the breeze like a dread pirate’s flag. She was a large woman, imposing at a height of over six feet, with a muscular presence that was easy to see underneath her revealing leather armor. A simple leather chestpiece only barely covered an ample bust, but one could make the argument that it served more to squeeze her chest together for a teasing glance of cleavage rather than to actually cover her up. The laces of the leather armor were stretched thin from bustiness, and when the warrior had addressed the townsfolk several of the young men had watched with rapt attention, waiting for the amazon’s bodice to break. A metal skirt girded her lower half, one crafted from scaled metal that drifted down to just below her knees, where the sight of thick leather boots took over. Like her hooded friend the warrior was no stranger to pouches and belts, though the straps of her own belt seemed far more aggressive than that of her friend’s. While Tess wore a bandolier of potions and vials, the warrior carried against her lower half a sheathed sword, a crossbow, throwing daggers, and a spiked chain. Clearly, she was a woman ready for war. And when they asked her name, she simply replied-

“You’re seriously going with that name? Battlebitch?” Tess looked over; her face hidden as they continued to walk. They had left the village a few hours ago, and had been walking in the direction Tess’ tracking skills had advised them. “You think they’re going to put that in history books? ‘Battlebitch saves the kingdom from a dragon,’ or &#8

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