Medical Assistance (Naruto) [Tsunade x Naruto, Futa x Male]

The clicking of heeled shoes announced the impending arrival of the Fifth Hokage, and Naruto forcefully stopped his fidgeting and sat still, his hands gripping the edge of the table.

The door swung open and Tsunade swept into the room with a scowl on her face, forcing Naruto to silently reaffirm his long-held observation that she looked particularly stunning when she was angry. She was wearing a lab coat thrown over her usual low-cut top, undone so as to display an impressive amount of cleavage. Naruto quickly shifted his eyes up to her face, because he really didn’t need to give her another reason to be pissed at him.

The slug princess strode over and leaned in close. Respect for personal space was usually the first thing to go when she was irritated. “Alright brat, what’s this emergency you made Shizune drag me over from my office for? You didn’t knock some girl up, did you?”

“Wh-what? No! Of course I didn’t! Damn it Granny, this is hard enough without you making fun of me!”

Tsunade's brow furrowed. “What’s wrong with you then? You don’t look sick. The Kyuubi isn’t causing you any problems is it? You said that the absorption of his Yin-chakra didn't do anything to destabilize your seal.” Naruto grimaced at the reminder. In the months after the conclusion of the war with Madara, Tsunade had dragged him to the hospital multiple times a week to run every uncomfortable and invasive medical exam she could think of, and some she’d developed just to use on him. They'd all turned up clean, but that hadn't stopped her from worrying.

“I’ve told you he prefers being called Kurama, and there’s nothing wrong with my seal. I just... it’s hard to talk about.”

Tsunade crossed her arms and looked at him skeptically. After a couple seconds of letting the silence hang, she responded. “Well, joking aside, you know as your personal physician I’m sworn to confidentiality unless it affects your work or village security, and considering I’m both your boss and the hokage, even if it does involve those things I can probably keep quiet about it.” A pause. “Are you having trouble getting it up? Plenty of young men suffer from erectile difficulties at times, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Would you stop jumping to conclusions, it isn’t that either! I’ll tell you, just give me a second.” Naruto took a deep breath and tried to collect his thoughts.

“Alright," he began, keeping his eyes locked on an anatomy chart hanging behind Tsunade. He'd never be able to say this convincingly while looking her in the eye. "So I was getting ready to make myself dinner tonight, and just when I had finished washing the vegetables for my salad, a bird flew into my apartment! Crazy right? It was panicking, so I tried to catch it so I could set it outside, but I tripped and fell kinda funny.”

Tsunade stared at him, her expression flat. “Naruto, if you seriously dragged me all the way over here after working hours to take a look at a bruised tailbone, I am going to break your jaw.”

“No! I mean, when I fell, I landed on the table kinda funny and one of the vegetables I was preparing sort of…” at this he trailed off, blushing and staring at the floor.

“What happened to the vegetable, Naruto?” In a voice that sounded forcefully composed, Tsunade urged him to continue.

“Well, I landed right on top of it, and it kinda slid, uh, up.”

Tsunade stared at him blankly for several seconds before rearing back in surprise, eyes wide and mouth open. She quickly composed herself though, and within seconds her expression settled into a knowing smile.

“Ahhh, I see,” she said as she straightened, a distinctly satisfied lilt now in her voice. “So, to be clear, you’re saying that when you fell, an unfortunately positioned vegetable wound up inside of your ass.”

He was too embarrassed for words at this point, so he just nodded in confirmation while continuing to stare at the ground.

“And I suppose you're here because you’ve been unable to get it out by yourself?”

“Yeah, it’s, er, in there pretty tightly.”

She snorted in amusement. “I don’t doubt it. Well, there’s only one thing to do. Clothes off, Naruto.”

“What?! Aw, come on Granny, can’t you just use some crazy medical technique to make it disappear or dissolve it or something?” He knew he was whining, but he'd only worked up the courage to come to the hospital on t

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