Story advice (non-futa, non-porn)

Story by frozonese

Hi all, I got a sudden writing inspiration last night and wrote a snippet of what could be an entire story. I just wanted some thoughts on what i have so far, and im well aware of its many spelling and grammatical errors, i did write this at 4 in the morning lol

Notes: I haven't worked out any names yet so it may get confusing as to who's talking, but i think i did an ok job at getting the message across.

Any criticism is appreciated and welcomed, thanks and enjoy! :)

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Off in his own world, feet dangling over the edge of the couch. He realized he was being beckoned and rose to the occasion.

“you sure you wanna do this?” the man said to the other.

“what?! Of course I do! Im pretty sure that even with your friend over there, the odds are still 5 to 2!” replied the villain incredulously.

“clearly you’ve never met ” he muttered under his breath, “alright, hope you have money for hospital bills…have at ‘em my friend” he sighed, giving in and stepping aside as the aforementioned backup walked through the door. What the would-be thieves saw was what could hardly be considered a threat. The man standing before them couldn’t be more than 5 foot 10 while him and his cohorts all stood above 6 feet, from what he could see he didn’t have a very muscular physique either, although it was hard to tell with the jacket he was wearing covering most of his body, it seemed odd he would wear that while indoors. ‘Either way, there was no way he could do anything to-‘ the man didn’t get to finish his thought as he suddenly realized that he was currently sprawled on his back 4 feet behind where he was standing and his head felt like tiny hammers were trying to break their way out.

After dispatching the first strange character, the man took off his jacket revealing, while indeed thin, a sculpted physique. Not particularily large muscles, but offering more power and speed than they would let on. With his jacket removed, he was left with his jeans, shoes, hat and of course, to no surprise to the owner of the house, his large red headphones blasting loud trance music.

The music coursed through him, flowed around him and he reveled in it. A beat and melody so pure, freeing and expressive, yet at the same time passionate and strong. The music gave him strength. The music gave him flow. It didn’t control him, or tell him what to do, it only supported. Offering him a vision of his own soul, his strengths, his weaknesses. Right now his soul was bright and powerful as the pace of the music picked up. He went with the music, bouncing his head, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before opening them again. Before him was an enemy. He did not like enemies Coming into his home, breaking his peace and tranquility. He would need to be dealt with. As though reaching within himself, he brought his hands together, slightly bending over, noticing the look of confusion on his target’s face with slight amusement before lashing out with blinding speed, too fast for the human eye, but with less power so as not to cause death, directly into the chest of the man in front of him.

The owner of the home winced slightly and shook his head in amazement, witnessing yet another mindless fool fall victim to his friend and bodyguard. Even after all the years of knowing him, he still didn’t understand where the power he wielded came from. Sometimes he wondered what it was like for him, how he saw the world through those mist-filled eyes.

“how do you get eyes like those?” he recalled asking him one day.

looked at him with a serious face alien to his normally calm demeanor and replied, “You have to be willing to throw away everything you thought you knew. Everything you learned about the world and accept an entirely new reality. Once your there its bliss, but to get there can only be akin to the most indescribable hell you could only imagine in your worst nightmare.” Softening his face back to calm he continued laughing softly, “of course, the whole secret experiment bit doesn’t hurt either.”

The man was still showing a shocked expression at his friends sudden seriousness and shuddered imagining what his own hell could possibly consist of. “note to self” he thought, “try to avoid asking about his eyes and his past in the future”.

He shook his head, shaking out of his memories and noticed that all five attackers were unconscious and being placed in a pile near the door by the headphone wearing man.

“why do you always find it necessary to stack them?” He asked.

The man shrugged nonchalantly, “I’ve seen them do it in action movies. Plus, its hard to knock them into a pile during the fight, despite what Hollywood and anime’s might say.”

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